Nice surprise last night! I went to tape Xena at the usual hour, only to find that they've slipped in a couple of reruns before driving a stake through our hearts with the final episode. Also gives me a chance to catch up on my reviews! The first rerun was the series premiere, "Sins of the Past." Viewed with the upcoming ending in mind, this first show exhibits such freshness and wit (who can forget Gabrielle and the blind Cyclops?), it's hard to believe how much the series has changed. We've traded some of that freshness over the years for a mythological depth and scope unseen since the Lord of the Rings books, as shown by the increasingly intricate story arcs (if Shakespeare were still alive, he'd be writing Xena episodes). Ah, Gabrielle, if you'd known then what you know now, would you have sneaked off after Xena that night? Of course you would. The Way of a bard, queen, friend, and "adventuress" is your Way. And, at some point, it would have led you to the "Last of the Centaurs:"

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After re-reading last week's review of "Send In the Clones," I realized there's only so much to "review" in a comedy episode. I described the way it set up the jokes, then "reviewed" how funny it was. I love rewatching the comedies, but with the dramas, there is much more to critique due to the reliance on a logical plot to place us in a dangerous predicament, and there's usually more depth to the story. Hopefully, this review will have a bit more meat to it.

I'll say one thing, if anything can numb you to Death, it's this series. Must everyone (save, presumably, the two stars) die before it's all over (I mean more-or-less permanently)? The Amazons are dying out, "a joke for old men at the tavern," as I believe Velasca put it once. Virtually everyone from the first five seasons is dead (a couple of gods and Lila to the contrary), and now we find that even the centaurs are on their last hooves. What a poorer world we live in having lost this diversity (according to the show, anyway). But with the advent of Christianity/Eli-ism and the Roman Empire about to collapse in a long brutal fall, it was a time of change. Plus, as we watch a centaur's birth here, we begin to wonder if perhaps the centaurs are even cut out to survive in a Darwinian world, but more on that later.

The opening scene confirms that this will be another typical season six episode. That is, it will have a bunch of actors we've seen before in roles reprising their former characters or as offspring thereof (for Marton Csokas, it was both this time). There will also be themes brought back from old episodes: the Amazons, Ares, Alti, subtext, and in this case, persecuted centaurs. You can understand their desire to let the fans' favorite guest stars return for a last bow in the spotlight, but for a show which has shown uncanny ability to think up good new characters to replace departing old ones, it's kind of disappointing. Once the Nordic adventure concluded in admirable fashion, it's been a steady rehash of old (but good) ideas. Lucy said she wants to give the fans what they want, and based on the generally positive reviews (including most of mine) they are doing the job admirably. And before you think I'm ragging on this episode, I have to admit, as usual, they carried it off with a show that also worked in flashbacks of new and old Evil Xena footage (I hope this is the last of the recycled footage for the season!). About the only thing they didn't do was break out in song.

So we see Ephiny's grown centaur son, Xenan, running from soldiers who have killed his friends and seem to be after him specifically. Those centaurs just can't get a break.

We find Xena and Gabrielle shopping at the market, oblivious to Xenan's problem. Gabrielle isn't buying, just shopping, as she points out to Xena (to quote Dylan, "just like a woman!"). She's trying on a goofy hat that makes her look like a mod London bird just back from a '60s discotheque. Right, Gabrielle. But at least she's having fun. Sort of like Casey trying on dresses, but I digress.... Love watching her expression when she looks in the mirror.

Suddenly, we have a gratuitous Ephiny appearance. Why is she in this episode except to make people go, "Oh, there's Ephiny. I've always liked her." I like seeing her, but about all she does relevant to the plot is get Xena and Gabrielle to go help Xenan. After that, she hovers about behind Gabrielle glaring at the evil-doers. Sure, it's nice to see her again, but couldn't they have given her something to do? Danielle's said that she preferred playing the earlier Ephiny because she had more "edge." Well, her role tonight is no edge at all--just blatant sentimentalism. A waste of talent, but that's not her fault.

Gabrielle can see her because of their Amazon ties. Nobody else can. Which makes me wonder why Xenan can't see her? Certainly his immediate blood ties are closer than Amazon ties? But Danielle is certainly radiant this show, better looking than I've ever seen her. Death becomes her!

Suddenly, a crier comes by holding up a wanted poster with a crude cartoon centaur depicted. Gabrielle immediately says, "It's Xenan!" Look at the picture on the poster. Just about anyone with a horse growing out of their abdomen would fit that picture!

Xena questions the crier, and finds that Lord Belach put out the bounty. Time to pay his ass a visit, right Xena?

Xena and company (Ephiny's tagging along, unseen by Xena but making her presence known through Gabrielle's translations) get to Lord Belach's place to get information. They pass themselves off as bounty hunters, only to find that Lord Belach is Borias' son by a marriage before his time with Xena. Yes, it's Marton Csokas taking his bow. He's one of the few leading men in this series that can hold his own against the Warrior Princess on screen. Good to see him back, playing not only Borias in flashback, but also his son, a seemingly opposite type character.

Belach, through his abuse and racist language, reveals he is a centaur-hater from way back, and finding out that one has "stolen" his daughter has him in a murderous rage. We also learn that he regards his father as a vile warlord and has spent his life trying to lead a more noble life.

Xena finds herself in a quandary. I found this perhaps the most compelling part of the script. She can't just murder Belach to save Xenan because she feels obligated to Belach for destroying his family (more in the upcoming flashback). Yet she can't let Belach kill Xenan because he's the last centaur (literally?) and is the father of Belach's grandson. Besides, killing is just, you know, wrong! And Belach's daughter would be pissed at him for some time to come. I like these episodes where Xena doesn't just have an evil to vanquish, but has to tread a morally nebulous line to get everyone out in one piece. Reminds me of the episode "Daughter of Pomira" where the "evil" cannibals are shown in a sympathetic light and causes Xena to rethink her ideas regarding the kidnapping which occurred in that one.

Xena's inability to take decisive action (kill somebody) leads to a slight rift with Gabrielle during the show. Here, the normally peaceful and loving Gabrielle seems to feel that Belach is in the wrong completely, and she thinks he should die, telling Xena this in so many words on a couple of occasions. Completely out of character.

When Xena and crew catches up with Xenan, they have a devil of a time convincing Xenan they aren't scamming him. They tell him they are Xena and Gabrielle (who, to him, are way too young for that) and his mother is right there, even though he can't see her. "Can you say anything that doesn't insult my intelligence?" he demands. A fairly realistic reaction from a centaur! Ephiny has Gabrielle sing the Amazon lullaby (there's only one?) with her special words she used for Xenan substituted. That's the clincher. Ephiny tries to hug Xenan, but her ghostly arms just pass through him. (I've always wondered how ghosts can stand on the ground but pass through everything else!)

Xenan brings out Nicha, Belach's daughter. Yes, you guessed it. She's pregnant with Xenan's centaur baby. They're eloping, basically. Saw that coming a mile away. Xena puts her hand on Nicha's stomach, and declares, "It's a boy!" Those centaurs must be hung if she can tell that from a cursory feel. Of course, it's a pretty safe bet, seeing as how centaur women are rare, if they exist at all. Apparently, nobody but Belach was aware he was Borias' son. When Xena tells them the baby is a direct descendant of Borias, they act suitably impressed. Of course, so is Nicha, but they don't go into that!

At this point, finding out about the pregnancy alters Xena's plan. I don't think she had much of a plan up until now, actually, just gathering the facts and trying to figure out where to apply her skills. Due to the now interlocking family lines, she is forced into a situation where her only solution is to play peace-maker. Her plan is to make Belach see the error of his ways. Fortunately, doing this is one of her many skills.

As they walk along, Gabrielle, in full sidekick mode, asks Xena why she owes Belach so much. Cue the first new flashback. This time, we are shown how Xena and Borias came to be lovers and partners in world conquest for awhile. Xena unsteadily tosses aside the cane she's been using since Caesar's crucifixion, and basically gives Borias a plan to ditch his army and build a bigger, better one in the east for more conquest. "They're thugs, Borias. They'd slit your throat for a dinar," she tells him of his current crop of soldiers. Quite probably true. Her devilish way of thinking appeals to him (as would a long period with Xena away from his wife), and they copulate in his tent to celebrate the new deal. You gotta love Evil Xena.

Belach, a young boy at this time, looks into the tent out of curiosity. Xena sees him and wraps him quickly in a blanket and deposits him in a pile a little ways off. She says, "Word of advice for ya, kid: never step between two people and their passion." Belach would never forget those fateful words. And I love the way Evil Xena always adopts a sort of gangster inflection in her voice. I'll bet Lucy could do a good James Cagney impression. "Youse dirty rats!"

The group (now swollen to X, G, Xenan, Nicha and Ephiny) goes to the "secret place" where Xenan's centaur friends are hiding out. It must not be too secret, since it's obvious from the burning buildings in the compound that Belach's warriors have beaten them to it. Suddenly, up ahead, they find a big rectangular hole filled with dead centaurs, piled akimbo like bodies from the German concentration camps. The connection with genocide reverberates as we realize that the centaurs are being systematically eliminated by Belach in his wrath. Stomach churning sight, but I'm sure that was the effect they were striving for. Once again, Gabrielle asks rhetorically, "What kind of man could do this?" C'mon Gabrielle, you've been meeting men like that for six years!

Xenan immediately wants to run off and do something rash. It's not until Nicha reminds him of his obligation to their unborn son that he calms down. Who will see that justice is done? "I will," Xena says coldly. What does she mean by that now? Stay tuned. In an emotional conclusion, we see Xenan break down in tears of frustration and grief.

Xena returns to Belach to confront him with all the new information she's gathered. Belach is unimpressed with the baby--he's still pissed about centaurs in general and doesn't want his daughter with one. He orders his guards to go out and kill Xenan. Xena gives him the "two people and their passion" line, which makes him suddenly see Xena for what she is: the conniving bitch who destroyed his family.

After some brutal fighting with the guards, Xena throws a hand-tied Belach out the window and onto a horse. That looked rather, uh, painful. Xena jumps onto another horse, and the two take off with Belach's men right on their tails.

This brings me to another thing that strikes me funny. Where is Argo II? They made a big deal about having another Argo who Joxer raised up, then she disappears. If they need a horse, why not use Argo II instead of these dark horses? Argo is every bit the character in this show that the other regular guests are, so where's her final bow? Another missed opportunity. And Gabrielle's horse--we hardly knew ye! Speaking of horses, if they do have horses at their disposal, why are they walking almost everywhere this episode? They're in a hurry most of the time, so why not ride?

The ever resourceful Xena manages to shut down the pursuit in her inimitable style, and she and Belach find themselves at the scene of the centaur massacre. He and Xena get into a heated argument over whether Borias was good or bad. This triggers the second flashback, showing how Xena essentially stole him from his wife. Borias' wife, Natassa (Borias and Natassa? Hehe) finds Belach where Xena left him: in a blanket near Borias' tent. Belach shows his mother the scene in the tent. To cut a long story short, Borias sides with Xena, and the two ride off on a horse, leaving Natassa and son to fall into "servitude." Borias leaves Belach a necklace, which he still wears to remind himself what a scumbag his dad was.

At this point, we have a plot hole. Xena prepares to leave Belach alone to meditate over the centaur corpses (sort of like the Allies forcing the German civilians to come tour the concentration camps). They relive the flashback above, in which we leave seeing Borias still the cruel warlord, which only reinforces Belach's negative opinion of him. Xena tells him, "I just wanted you to know who Borias really was." So why not tell him NOW, instead of at the end of the episode, how Borias, to quote Tara, "turned it around" before he died. Considering that this was the prime bit of knowledge he needed to reverse his bloody course, why didn't Xena tell him now? Probably because the episode would've only been thirty minutes long, I guess. Sorry, but I think Xena's sharper than that.

Meanwhile, Nicha is giving birth in a run-down old house that looks like the farm Ares abandoned when he regained his godhood. Xenan runs off when he's seen by the soldiers and bounty hunters closing in, drawing the search party away from Nicha. Two of them realize that Nicha is the real prize, and they split off to look for her in the house while Belach's men go after Xenan.

Another missed opportunity arrives. Gabrielle, with Ephiny's guidance, is about to deliver Nicha's baby when they hear the bounty hunters enter the cabin. Gabrielle reaches for her sais, moving with that same sense of purpose she had when she was defending young Eve last season. Alright, a Gabrielle fight! But no! Instead of letting the blond bard show her stuff, they have Xena come in to dispatch the bad guys. Doesn't she have enough cool fight scenes of her own this episode? Why not let Gabrielle have one?

Xena even muscles in and delivers the baby, leaving Gabrielle to look on from the sidelines. The actual birth of the centaur baby stirred up a lot of activity from the chat group, I noticed. There was a big discussion over whether is was a Caesarian Section or a, um, whatever it is where they cut you open a bit lower. Both sides had strong arguments supported by evidence from the show. However, what I think we had here was simply a generic TV birth. A woman's not going to deliver something as big as a centaur without a little help, if you follow me. They just wanted to make it look nasty, which Gabrielle's reaction shots certainly reinforce.

This brings up the second birth-related issue. According to information passed on by a few diligent researchers, c-sections, in that day, were almost always fatal for the mother (all that cutting, loss of blood, and infection) and were reserved for cases of certain death when the infant had a chance for survival. Xena, as we know, has skill in doing these things, but what do centaurs do when Xena or a qualified surgeon is not available for a birth? The Amazons brought their inevitable downfall on themselves by excluding men from their ranks, thus making reproduction a rare occurrence. For the centaurs, I just don't think they deserve to survive as a species. Why don't we see centaur women? Because they probably all die in childbirth! Two centaurs come together to create a new one, then one dies. Every generation, the centaur population would be cut in half even without Belach's help. According to Darwin's theory regarding survival of the fittest, this would certainly not be a boon to creating future herds of centaurs.

Once this otherwise touching birth scene is done, Xena hears Belach outside calling her name. He has captured Xenan and will only trade him for Nicha. I guess the time spent with the centaur bodies didn't change him too much. At least now he's willing to let Xenan live, if he can only get his daughter back.

Xena, however, isn't impressed. A few ropes holding down Xenan? Nothing a little chakram action won't take care of! This brings the soldiers down on her, and she shows us a few new spins and such, culminating in a nice little move where she flies lengthwise through the air holding a shield in front of her as protection from arrows. A Xena torpedo, as it were. Very cool. She also uses the move from "Sins of the Past" where she takes out several soldiers at once by knocking them down with a horizontally held spear. A touch of the old, a touch of the new.

I wondered about Xena's rationale here. She always talks up doing the greater good, yet with Eve she killed a great many people just to save her daughter (not that we blame her). Here, she's killing a great many soldiers just to save one centaur. I'm not sure what she should think about it, but I'd be curious to get in her brain a second and listen to the thoughts flowing by.

Ephiny goes in the house to tell Gabrielle, still busy with Nicha, that Xena needs help. Finally, the battling bard gets a little battle going. Gabrielle runs outside to find Xena surrounded, but that's a minor problem for the warrior princess. She dispatches the soldiers with a nifty move where she jumps on their spear ends. The soldiers begin running about, and at this point, Gabrielle jumps in, kicking and deftly using her sais.

Nicha is worried about the quality of life their baby will have with all this hatred and violence between the families. Speaking of which, there's Gabrielle again prompting Xena to kill Belach. "You know what you have to do, Xena," she says when she finds herself at Xena's side. "We'll see," is Xena's terse reply. Gabrielle must be wondering how much more proof Xena needs that Belach is beyond redemption.

Just as Xena and Belach are face to face, and it appears one of them is going to bite it soon (guess who?), Nicha comes out of the house to plead for peace. She declares her love for Xenan, but Belach is still unmoved. Xena says she'll kill him if necessary. And she finally, FINALLY, tells Belach the rest of Borias' story, the part he doesn't know, now in the form of flashbacks from previous episodes. We see Borias saving the centaur in "Past Imperfect," thus solidifying his reputation as friend of the centaurs. Then, we get a replay of his death scene as he watches Xena run off with their child, Solan, always a harrowing spectacle as we see him brutally murdered in the mud. "Borias died trying to change what he'd become. That was the real story of your father," Xena tells Belach. If that was the real story, why'd it take so long to get to it?

The soldiers surround them, leaving the good guys in a precarious position, and Xena tries one last appeal. "Do you want your daughter to hate you the same way you hated your father?" she asks. Belach looks tenderly at his tearful daughter and finally cracks. The thought of losing Nicha's love makes him realize that a loving family with a centaur in it is better than no family at all. Unlike most villains who recant under the urging of Xena, Belach says, "She belongs with him," yet doesn't sound fully convinced himself. Csokas plays Belach with that extra layer of humanity. Belach knows he must adjust to the new situation intellectually, but his revulsion at centaurs will make it a fight for him, a fight he now accepts. What a brilliant performance.

"Forgive me, Nicha," he says to his daughter. No apology to his son-in-law for killing all those centaurs? Like I said, he needs time to overcome his prejudices. Nice bit of under acting here. He offers Borias' necklace to the baby, but Nicha tells him to give it to the baby himself at the right time. Oh, and by the way, the baby centaur is named Borias. In almost any other situation, that would've been cloyingly cute, but here, as a tribute to Borias, it is quite touching, and even Belach is pleased.

Then, just when the episode seems to finish on a high note, Ephiny steps in because she wants to talk to Xenan--face to face! Seems that Amazons can actually become other dead Amazons simply by clearing their minds. What? C'mon, Rob T. If that's true, why aren't Amazons channeling other Amazons all the time? And why does it come as such a surprise to Gabrielle, who, of necessity, is probably steeped in Amazon lore? Then, pushing it just a bit too far, Gabrielle actually physically transforms into Ephiny. At first, I figured this was simply TV shorthand for saying that Gabrielle is possessed by Ephiny, but the characters all seem to react like they see Ephiny just as we do. Sorry, I don't buy it. This was such an obvious kiss up to the fans, and even in the never-really-dead Xenaverse, this seems a bit too easy. Let Gabrielle speak with Ephiny's voice, but how did Gabrielle's body suddenly metamorphose (not even bringing up the issue of her clothes changing). This scene was so sweet my teeth started itching. Again, if you're going to bring in Danielle Cormack, give her something to do beyond this treacle.

By the way, did I mention how radiant Gabrielle looks this time out? I don't know if Renee was pregnant at this point, but she certainly has an aura about her, even though she's mainly standing around in the background. What a woman!

Lest this mother and child reunion taint our final impression of this generally good episode, we get a well-written final scene of Xena and Gabrielle discussing Gab's blood thirst this time out. "Xena, I'm glad you didn't kill Belach," Gabrielle says (like, duh!). Xena replies sarcastically, "Oh, NOW you're glad." "You know, different roads lead to the same place," Gabrielle says in a philosophical tone. "Very wise," Xena concurs, "only on your road, they'd be dead." Gabrielle laughs nervously. "Right. I can be wise sometimes," she counters. "Yeah, right," Xena says. "I can, really," Gabrielle insists. "Yeah," Xena says. And when Gabrielle gives her a sideways look, Xena continues, "I'm agreeing with you--as always." What a cute exchange! We all know that Xena has never doubted Gabrielle's wisdom, and has in fact come to depend upon it often. Hearing her tweak the bard in such an obviously loving way provides the perfect light ending to a pretty heavy drama.

Only five episodes until the finale. Boy, did that bring me down!

Well, this episode left lots of room for nitpicking, as evidenced above. Might be a good time to mention how the flashbacks, surprisingly, told us more about Borias than Evil Xena, but the plot made that necessary. We already knew how evil Xena was at the time, but we've never seen Borias' family life before. However, the episode was very well directed, and these minor objections (except, again, why didn't Xena tell "the real story" from the get go?) fall away in light of the dramatic tension that was created. We cared for Borias and knew there was good in the well-meaning Belach (he only wanted his daughter back) if only Xena could find it. Most of what was new could be found in the fight scenes, in which Xena evidenced several new and unusual moves. The actor playing Xenan (Hamish Hector-Taylor) put a lot of heart into his role and brought a breath of fresh air to the centaurs. It was easy to like him. It was great seeing Danielle Cormack again, even though she was horribly underused. The same could not be said of Marton Csokas, who gives an amazing double performance here, bringing subtlety and substance to his two characters. Beyond his obvious similarity in looks, you could see the family resemblance in his acting, yet he made Belach a distinct character from Borias. Too bad we didn't see more of good ol' Borias during the years. We've seen parts of this story in other Xena adventures, but if the formula still works, no reason you can't go back to the well. And it works again. There were too many little flaws and too little originality to give this episode a real high rating, but I'll give it a very solid three chakrams out of five. I have a feeling this episode will grow on me with future viewings. Besides, they screened this episode for us in Pasadena at the convention, so it'll always be kind of special to me.
Rick(Gabriologist since the late 20th Century)
Visit my web site at http://www.ricks-studio.com for Episode Reviews,
Humorous Quotes, and other Xena-themed writing!

"How can something that big come out of--" --Nicha, just after birth
"We'll discuss this off-camera." --Xena