Sorry this review is so late. As many of you are aware, I've been having Internet problems, and I've spent the last three days wiping clean my computer (three times) and installing everything from scratch. So, I seem to be back up and running (knock on circuitry), so here goes...

Having already gone off topic a couple of times, reviewing Lucy's "Simpson's" appearance as well as the Fan Club's Behind the Scenes Documentary, I felt it was my duty to also offer a look at Lucy's recent appearance as a featured guest star on the show "Just Shoot Me." For the wimps who can't handle the truth, I'll allow some

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Since I am a Xenacentric reviewer, I'm going to be looking at this episode as it pertains to our gal, Lucy Lawless, who has deemed to go slumming in network TV land. The episode, short as it is, contains two main plots that intertwine slightly during the half hour. Lucy is mainly involved in one of those plots.

The first plot involves Jack, the fashion magazine editor, throwing a fund raising auction. He receives a tacky present (dog tags) from office flunky Dennis. He doesn't care for his present and throws it away later. When Dennis discovers it was in the trash, he's offended. Unfortunately for Jack, Dennis is in charge of his auction, and Dennis is plotting to get revenge by screwing up the whole thing. Typical sitcom stuff.

This brings us to the other regular cast members and their plot involving Lucy. I haven't seen this show in awhile, but apparently, Jack's daughter, Maya, was dating the photographer Elliot. They have recently, as of this episode, broken it off, and when Elliot finds out that Maya has a date to the auction, in typical sitcom fashion, he tells her it's OK because he has a date too. Not. So now that he's shot off his mouth, he's got to show up with someone or look stupid in front of Maya. Nina, the ex-fashion model/writer, overhears this and tells Elliot she can set him up with a nice surgeon she knows.

So there's Elliot in the lobby before the auction waiting to meet his blind date. Suddenly, you guessed it, Lucy comes strolling in, dressed all in red and looking every bit the warrior princess in bearing, if not clothing. Elliot sees her, and in voice over, wonders if that could be his date. Despite his mental pleading, Lucy strolls right by, and he's disappointed. But no, she turns around and asks his name. Yes, Lucy is his blind date, the lucky son of a bitch! Being a typical comedy, Elliot, acts like a blithering idiot when confronted with such essential femaleosity (yes, I make up my own words from time to time), while she comes off as cool and in control (remind you of anyone?...). She's going by Stacy, but I'll probably refer to her as Lucy most of the time.

After a rather tepid start, Lucy gets the show rolling. Right away, she gets some of the best lines. When Maya suddenly shows up, Lucy concocts this wild story about how she's a doctor, and she met Elliot when he came into the emergency room to get a nail pulled from his foot a week ago. Later, she claims, he came back to her place and used the nail to hang a picture. Maya is looking rather surprised she hasn't heard anything about this bizarre incident. Elliot's look of confusion as Lucy spins her yarn is what's so funny! The poor guy has to go along with whatever she says while Maya's there.

As soon as they're left alone, Elliot wants to know what that story was all about. Lucy says she was thrown off by that "surgeon thing." She says she'll do her best, but being a stewardess is much easier. Suddenly Elliot wheels around in surprise, beginning to put it together. "Look, it's your twelve hundred bucks," Lucy says. "I will be what ever you want me to be." Yes, she's a hooker, ladies and gentlemen! Of course, it's too late for Elliot to change his date without looking a fool in front of Maya, so he's stuck with her for the evening. And just to let him know what he's got on his hands, she says, "We're in for 1200 cc's of GOOD time," giving Elliot a goose on the behind to emphasize the "good" part. She even throws in a good ol' "I'm in control now" Xena expression as she heads in to the auction. She could've been talking to Joxer for a second there. Simply hilarious!

Now what I want to know is, why did Lucy decide to play a hooker? Admittedly, a lot of famous actresses have played the part over the years, but I figured Lucy would confine herself to slightly more positive female image roles. Or is she trying to play against type and go against her real life role as a female icon? Or was it simply a funny role (she's got the best part on the show this week) that tickled her fancy when the script crossed her desk one day? She strikes me as someone who has fun with things and doesn't overanalyze so much, so perhaps I'm reading too much into her role choice here. Of course, she plays the hooker as a smart girl (although she can't read) who knows how to play the people around her using her personal charisma. And it was interesting to see a lot of her Xena mannerisms surface here, being used to slightly different effect. And she plays the bad girl who can handle herself in any situation. Perhaps it wasn't such a stretch of a role after all?

Well, Elliot finally gets Nina off to the side, and she informs him Stacy is not a hooker, but a "high class escort." A difference of about $900, she says! Well, nobody said Lucy was cheap! (How much is Renee going for?) Why didn’t the doctor show up as promised? Something about a breast implant and skydiving. They leave that to your imagination!

Elliot says he’ll be more humiliated if Maya finds he’s had to rent an escort than if he’d come alone. Nina informs him they had better not talk together then and points them out talking across the room with Maya's date. As Elliot runs over to chaperone the conversation, Nina tells him of Lucy’s lack of reading ability. Sure enough, when Elliot gets across the room the group is discussing the items in the auction catalog. Lucy is funny as she just sort of makes noises to imply she’s following along. Meanwhile she’s looking at the catalog like it’s in Japanese or something (which to her, it might as well be). Elliot pulls her away as the auction begins.

During an intermission, Maya and her date, who has invented something called the "slap flute," talk to Lucy at the food table. Lucy tries to tie everything back to her imaginary medical "background," so when Maya’s date mentions slapping his flute (which seems to have certain dirty overtones to it, if I’m not mistaken), Lucy tells him that she slaps "newborn babies everyday, and then I give ‘em back. It’s the law," she says, as if she would prefer to keep the babies. She’s acting very much like Meg would under similar circumstances. When Maya asks for advice about her rotator cuff, Lucy says she was just reading about that very thing in her "medical book." So professional! I had to laugh. Elliot says the last thing Stacy wants to do is talk shop, but she hushes him and jumps into the role with relish. She massages Maya’s shoulder, a method she picked up in Thailand, at "Thailand General." Her advice to Maya: "A little ice; a little heat. Try not to move it, and then move it real fast." When Elliot tries to stop her, she says she enjoys getting respect from people. Of course, right at that point, somebody comes along who recognizes her from Ted Kennedy’s pool party! This scene was great the way Lucy's little doctor gaffes just keep building one upon the other until you're really laughing at how silly it all is.

After more shenanigans between Jack and Dennis regarding their little feud, we find Elliot at the bar. Lucy comes up to comfort him, since he’s miserable that Maya’s not taking any interest in how his date is going. Her solution to cheer him up: "D’you wanna go to the back of the limo and do it or something?"" "What’s the point?" he says (obviously too far out of it to realize what's being offered here). "She’s obviously moved on." We see Maya over with her date, watching him play his slap flute, which turns out to be about as silly to watch as you might think. Perhaps Elliot has more of a chance with her than we might think?

So Lucy finally says, although she shouldn’t tell him, that Maya’s date is a "major perv" who uses her agency all the time. When Elliot wants to know what kind of things turn him on, we switch over to watching the guy get all excited bidding on an antique saddle and riding crop! Elliot looks at Lucy with a big grin on his face, and she raises her glass to him.

Elliot then asks why Maya's date doesn’t seem to recognize her. Lucy says he’s not allowed to look up! So Elliot goes over to Maya and spills the beans to her about her date's sexual activities. He says the reason he knows this is because his date's a hooker. Lucy, however, takes the offensive, and she slaps him hard! Very Xena-like. She then tells him she didn't spend twelve years in medical school to be used as a pawn in his game. When he protests, she slaps him again! When he insists she point to her pancreas to show her medical knowledge, she slaps him again! Hey, Elliot, take a chill pill! By the gods, I was laughing hard.

Maya then tells Lucy she's too classy for Elliot, and then insults Elliot by saying he's gained weight. Looks like Elliot's chances with Maya are back to zero. Maya stomps off, and Elliot wants to know what the heck Lucy's doing. She said that stuff she told him was confidential, and she has a code to deal with things like that. "You're a hooker!" he responds. "With a code!" she answers emphatically and with a touch of pride! Hilarious! Then, to top it off, she says she's had about enough of him, but she still asks if he wants to "go back to the limo or not." "And do what? Play doctor?" he pipes back. This, of course, earns him another face slap. I'm surprised his face isn't all black and blue by now. Perhaps a stunt double?

After some more Jack-Dennis stuff, we find the office nebbish asking Elliot why he's looking so down. Elliot says he can't prove his date's not a doctor for Maya. The nebbish guy says he can prove it, and after some negotiating, he grabs a fork off the table and stabs himself in the thigh. "Is there a doctor in the house?" he says calmly.

Maya calls Stacy over, a move which Elliot weakly protests. Lucy comes running up immediately and asks for a towel. Jack and Nina are watching in the crowd, and she says, "She really knows what she's doing!" Apparently, Lucy's fooled them all! She drops to her knees and wraps the guy's thigh with the towel. She jumps up, saying, "Now get this man to a hospital--STAT!" Her hands are on her hips, her legs wide apart, taking a very commanding presence in the middle of the crowd. When she says, "stat," she sounds like Xena barking out orders! Who could not obey, even if it's nonsense? Maybe that's the trick to her being such a good hooker? The crowd even applauds her! This was the best part of the show, as well it should be, occurring as the big action climax to the episode.

As the episode winds down, Lucy again walks up to Elliot, slumped into a little loser pile on a table after the auction. He wonders how she knew what to do during the fork incident (she wrapped his leg and sent for an ambulance--how hard could it be?). She claims it was instinct, so she now feels her calling (or "Way" as we Xenites might say) is to become a doctor. Talk about method acting! Stacy's really getting a bit too deep into her character! "But you can't read," Elliot observes. "Alright then, maybe a vet!" she says petulantly. That one really cracked me up! "Take care of that shoulder," she tells Maya as she leaves.

This leaves Elliot with Maya, and the two trade a little heart-to-heart about the events of the evening. Of course, it turns out they really do care for each other, even if they aren't dating. Sort of the equivalent of Xena and Gabrielle's touching conversations they have at the end of most episodes, only not nearly as cleverly written.

Then, just when you think Lucy's part is over, we see Dennis exiting the hall. Lucy is standing over by a sign in the corner, obviously trying to make out the words. "Hey, Auction Guy!" she calls out to Dennis. "Can you read?" There is a long pause, as if Dennis had to think that one over before he could answer. "Wanna teach me?" "Uh--actually, I was going to take my boss out for doughnuts," he begins to say, obviously not wanting to take on the challenge (although why not, I don't know--I'd be a total pushover for that line!). Lucy, still dressed to the nines, tries to entice him with "What if I promise you the greatest sex you ever had?" "Alright, let's sound it out--" he begins, pointing at the words on the sign. Meanwhile, Lucy looks pleased as punch to again be getting her way, even as she looks confused about the reading part! Again, Lucy's doing a lot of acting with her face in this episode. Her comic timing is perfect, as we'd expect from the job she's done in Xena's comedy episodes.

Well, overall I quite enjoyed this episode. I've seen this show before, and I didn't think it was one of the better episodes of "Just Shoot Me," but Lucy really stole the show with her hooker/doctor routine. She got most of the best comic lines and provided a great foil for the regular characters. She was just off center enough you didn't know what she was going to do next. Of course, that just upset Elliot all the more. The other plot line involving Jack and Dennis was pretty lame, as my lack of description above will attest, but that may just be my aversion to David Spade's smart ass routine. This guy's too old to be playing someone who acts about eighteen. But this is, again, a Xenacentric reviewer you're dealing with, and I'd have to recommend this episode simply for the way Lucy chewed up the scenery.

Seeing Lucy's Xena mannerisms surface here also got me wondering how much of the actress herself is in Xena. She brought a lot of Xena to the role of Stacy, so perhaps she "is" Xena. I know when I see Renee interviewed in person, she seems very much like Gabrielle. Perhaps Xena is the way she is because of Lucy Lawless, even more than at least I thought. Well, just food for thought. I guess we'll know more about that when the ladies start popping up on other shows after this season.

So, we'll give it a three of five rating. Keep in mind, this scale is not equivalent to my Xena chakram rating scale. Any episode of Xena would've blown this out of the water, but by network sitcom standards, this was average. It would've scored higher if Stacy had a spunky blond hooker friend who tagged along for the evening. Perhaps the "agency" could've been running a two-for-one special that evening? Then again, it would've scored a lot lower without a certain Lucy Lawless on hand. As much as I lament the impending loss of XWP, it will be interesting to see Lucy and Renee in more diverse rolls such as this one.
Rick(Gabriologist since the late 20th Century)
Visit my web site at ricks-studio.com for Episode Reviews,
Humorous Quotes, and other Xena-themed writing!

"Krishna, I'm just a hooker who kicks major--" Stacy
"Just be the best darn hooker you can be. It is your Way." --Krishna