"Heart of Darkness?" I was expecting a take-off on Joseph Conrad and/or "Apocalypse Now!" Instead we got--

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First, let me say up front I was a little surprised at how many of the previous reviewers seemed to focus on their dislike of seeing Gabrielle and Xena dance in such an erotic fashion. Many of you don't seem to believe in subtext, so it seems out of character for them to behave like that. As I see it, both of the women were being affected by the Hellmouth (as Buffy would call it) opening up nearby. Now, let me be the first to say, I think X&G are basically hetero (given that they are seen on occasion getting it on with male guest stars--like THIS VERY WEEK), and there is no real evidence they are "doing it" together. However, in real life, things are rarely black or white, like on TV, and I can't help but think that maybe both women are a bit towards the "middle" without being "over the line." Perhaps, bored out on the trail, they've possibly experimented a bit, out of boredom and mutual attraction, but certainly nothing much. I think they know that becoming lovers would probably ruin their friendship eventually, as it does so often in reality. You can never go back again, if it doesn't work. They obviously find each other attractive (remember Gab's "By the gods, you are BEAUTIFUL!" line?), so my take is that if they were forced to chose a female lover, they'd pick each other, but basically, they're happy to be male-oriented. I don't think it's at all out of character for them to flirt during this episode. They probably both have it in them a little, and the "black heart" just brought it to the surface. But on to less esoteric musings....

First, it's interesting when Lucifer shows up with Michael and Raphael. He sounds pretty damn sure of himself, perhaps a bit of pride?! Only one of the deadly sins, exhibiting itself already, without any prompting from a certain warrior princess. No wonder Michael thought he might be perfect for the job. And if pomposity were a deadly sin, Michael and Raphael would be following right after him into the fiery pit of Hell!!! Those boys would not be much fun at a party, but perhaps that's the point of this whole episode. Duty can be harsh!

After this brief intro, we cut to Gabrielle and Eve. First, Gabrielle has obviously found an outfit to replace her old one. Personally, I think it's a big improvement. Before, that red skirt looked for all the world like she was wearing a diaper, and now it looks more skirt-like and feminine (in a warrioristic sort of way). Then, when Eve says she can feel a great evil coming, Gabrielle makes the astute observation: "Maybe that's because you're standing near the portal to Hell." I laughed five minutes on that line alone!

After trying to defend Eve somewhat in my last review, I have to say she really disappointed me here. Right off, you can see she's got that humorless self-important attitude that religious people seem to exhibit on TV (this was also my biggest problem with Eli). She pretty much acted like a snobby little whining bitch through most of the episode. I don't mind them introducing Christianity into the show (I loved the scene last season with the beam of light showing Eve her past). They throw everything else into the show and stir it around to suit their needs, so why exclude religion? But I really hate that snobby attitude that always seems to go with being so good and pure. Gabrielle was beginning to get like that during her trip to India, but a turn to the darker warrior side put her edge back on. But Eve is preaching in the streets? She can literally look into peoples' hearts? Exorcise demons? I'm sorry, but this is just too much extra glop. I wish the writers would concentrate on developing her character, and less time giving her whatever super power she needs for any given episode. Will she walk on water next week? Maybe it would be a good idea for her to take her little tent show on the road, 'cause she's really bringing me down.

Next, Lucifer shows up, announcing he's about to throw Xena down into Hell to rule as she should. Yep, this is definitely the second part of a two-parter. Apparently, you're not compelled to go down and rule Hell when you kill its king, but you're supposed to feel the obligation to fulfill your duty. Hmmmm....

At first, I couldn't figure out what the next scene had to do with anything, where the village girl is petting Argo and offering to help restore the tavern. Later, they mention the evil is luring people into the vicinity, so obviously, this is a foreshadowing of that. Subtly brilliant! Deliciously evil in its apparent innocence!

Xena finally shows up. I found the dialogue hilarious as Gabrielle and Eve rush out to announce a problem. Lucy: "Let me guess. It's huge and potentially devastating." So funny! Then, when Lucifer shows up, she repeats, "So it IS huge and potentially devastating. Goody!" Even funnier!

This episode has several good fights in it. And the best part is, the witty banter between Xena and Lucifer is really good.

Opening credits: after someone pointed it out, I see after "Coming Home," Renee's back to "Also Starring." What's up with that? I believe someone said "Coming Home" was filmed later and shown earlier, so maybe that credit change was introduced after the first couple episodes were filmed?

Where does Eve get off telling Xena she can't kill Lucifer? Xena does whatever she wants, and no snot-nosed little daughter is going to tell her otherwise. However, I think it's at this point that Xena first concocts the notion of using Lucifer to take her place in Hell, to please Eve and get out of her obligation at the same time. Going by Eve's way, I can't imagine throwing a "servant of God" into Hell would be any better than just killing him, but Eve seems to find this less objectionable (thank the gods, since we can do without more whining!).

The "Don't mind if I call you Lucy, do ya?" line was great, too! I expected Xena to say she has a good friend with that name, but "Lucifer, Lucarooni, Big Al?" was also good! Lucy has such great comic timing.

I'm a little surprised that after Xena refuses to kill him right away, Lucifer just kind of hangs around and goes on a picnic. I'd think he'd be in a rush to finish the job and get that promotion he wants so badly. But the way they played it out made for a much more interesting trip than just a fight to the death. Here, Lucifer implies that Xena is bound to take the kingdom of Hell because she knew about the "obligations." So, if nobody had told her about it, she'd be off the hook? Then who would take over? (Notice how Lucifer's wings fold up neatly out of the way? Can you imagine this entire episode shot with him in wings? Pretty awkward!)

The chasm into Hell: not very impressive looking. Looks like a steam pipe broke! Ah, yes, the glories of a TV budget! Now, when Hell opens up in the Xena comic books, Hell really opens up!

OK, I mentioned earlier my feelings on Eve preaching. But when the villagers laugh at her, she acts like they're idiots. Perhaps they're just reacting to her self-righteousness and arrogance? I'd find her a little hard to take myself. Then we get the Eve super power du jour, an ability to see into peoples' hearts. Pul-leeze! (Neat special effect tho'.) But why isn't Gabrielle affected like everyone else? She doesn't have any special protective powers I'm aware of. And maybe Eve is affected--that's why she's being so bitchy this week! Just kidding!

Xena asks Lucifer if he ever wonders why the denizens of Heaven are denied the "most Heavenly" pleasures. I've wondered that myself. Seems like Hell, based on what I saw this episode, might be a lot more fun a place to spend eternity! I guess all that fire and brimstone might get old eventually....

It was at this point I saw we were getting another episode of Xena flirting someone to death. She used it on Antony and Ares (several times, but not lethally), and now she's got her powers trained on Lucifer. No wonder she's not married yet--she keeps killing off her suitors! That said, nobody does flirtatious like Lucy! The eyes say it all!

Seeing Lucy turn on the charm to get to Lucifer was pretty funny. The two really manage to create some sparks, and the parts about Xena's "mortal female with a lying tongue, savage tendencies and a blond girlfriend," Lucifer's "beginner's luck" with sin, and Xena taking Lucifer "to Heaven" with her Egyptian massage were very well done.

OK, the orgy scene begins, and this episode really kicks into life (although why Xena was wearing that silly mask at the start is beyond me). Suddenly, Eve begins to serve as Xena's straight woman, as Xena responds to Eve's gloom and doom speech by saying, "Eve, sweetheart, if you can't stand the heat, maybe you should just get the HELL OUT OF MY KITCHEN!" By this point, I was kind of glad to see Gabrielle knock out Eve. A little overly violent, but obviously Gabrielle is now beginning to come under the influence of the black heart. "No one likes a party pooper," she says. Well put, Gabrielle, well put indeed!

As a guy, I was really getting some eye-candy this episode. Gabrielle's looking hot in her futuristic metallic outfit, Xena's decked out in varying degrees of black and not much else (definite S&M fantasies here), and there're plenty of belly dancers to go around. And now Gabrielle's getting "drunk and loose." As jealous as I was, I have to admit she makes a good pair with Virgil.

Now, if you want to make a case for subtext, you wouldn't have to go much farther than watching Xena imperiously stretch out her hand, and Gabrielle, without a word, comes to her with a look of total submission. The two begin "the dance," and it almost caught my TV set on fire! Just when you think something's going to happen, Virgil comes in to take advantage of Gabrielle's aroused nature, and the two of them do quite an erotic little dance/mating ritual! The wine flows, the sweat beads, and Xena jumps up on Lucifer and grips him between her scantily clad legs. I'm starting to think I walked into a showing of "Eyes Wide Shut" on HBO, with all the writhing bodies and all! Xena's kissing Lucifer's tonsils while Gabrielle is giving Virgil a tongue bath. I can't remember seeing a more erotically charged scene on TV in my life! This is a scene that will go down in XWP history!

"'Beseech.' Is that even a real word?" Lucy says. Again, I'm laughing hard. And as she's fighting off the angels, who are coming to set things straight, she has time to roll her eyes, flippantly run the tip of her sword through her hair, and say, "Ya know, I really hope that the main course is more satisfying than the appetizer," while slipping seamlessly into that look of "I'm pissed" that we all know so well. This episode really gets back to the old Xena style of mixing humor in with the drama. Very well done!

It was a nice touch that when Lucifer appears, back in uniform again, he sees his old mates Michael and Rafael again, and begins to fight on their side. Of course, ultimately he realigns with Xena, but it made his character a bit more life-like and complex. He could've just been Xena's lap dog by now, but this was much better (how many men would throw off a lifetime's training just because a pretty girl French kisses him at a party? If she were Xena, I guess quite a few...). Has he figured out Xena's plan and/or is he playing a game of his own?

I didn't understand why Gabrielle breaks up Xena and Lucifer's kiss after the victory over the angels. She's still under the spell of the black heart, so she ought to be joining in or at least watching them going at it. Suddenly, she's very practical, wanting to know why Xena didn't throw him down the portal when she had the chance. "Xena, no one's ready to go to Hell. That's the point!" she says matter-of-factly. Surely, a more concise summation of Hell is impossible!

Xena points out Gabrielle's "burning" with Virgil, and Gabrielle simply says, "So?" but her expression says, "Why, do you want me instead?" I swear it does! I've never seen quite that expression on her face before. Xena counters with, "Evil," (cue the haunted house organ music) "the dark side--intoxicating, isn't it?" Xena looks absolutely pleased with herself saying this, and I had to crack up at Lucy's expression. Then, Renee pulls a brilliant bit of acting out, and she says, "Oh, yeah, it's intoxicating," while her face melts into a knowing smile that simply drips with relish! This was one of the best one-on-one Xena-Gabrielle scenes we've had since they were crucified a couple years back when Xena admits regret at not having read Gab's scrolls. The two actresses have such amazing chemistry together! Three cheers for clever writers and the actresses who bring their words to life. Unfortunately, just as it was starting to steam up again, Lucifer and Virgil come in to ruin the mood!

I loved the line Xena uses when Eve returns to throw water on the proceedings. "You may have the gift of sight, Eve, but you should trust I have a vision." Right on! Eve does have a bit of a point, though. From her perspective, Mom and Auntie Gabrielle must look pretty far gone, but she doesn't know Xena like we know Xena. If she can survive the Bacchae, she can do this! Eve tries to do some electrical exorcism hocus pocus, and gets shocked right back (much to Gabrielle's obvious delight!). Xena says, "Where did I go wrong?" Hilarious!

At this point, the dramatic story line takes over as we wind to the conclusion. Xena decides Eve is too annoying, and by killing her, she will also attract the angels for a final showdown. Eve concludes her mother is too far gone for salvation, and decides to kill Xena. When Xena asks her about this contradiction with her peaceful vows, she justifies it by saying that she's "learned that the heart can betray, but the sword never lies." What a great line! Logically, it doesn't really justify her attempt on Xena's life (if the heart can betray, can't it also swing back?), but it sure sounds good! And we see Eve dispatch Virgil with a well-placed elbow, toss Gabrielle out of the action with ease, do a couple Xena-flips (she is you-know-who's daughter, ya know!), and then proceeds to wield two swords fairly well until she succumbs to the superior strength of archangel Lucifer. Pretty impressive. Almost makes up for being such a bitch previously!

I loved it when Xena tells Lucifer that Gabrielle's "been my partner for years. She's shared things with me you could never understand!" Another line dropped in to tantalize.

Lucifer then commits the final sin of wrath when he's denied the opportunity to kill Eve. He sees through Xena's plan, but it's too late, and he becomes a monster. This leads to a rather well-done fight between Lucifer and Xena before she ultimately knocks him down the portal to Hell (accompanied by some great LoDuca music). The sword-play is especially good. And it was a nice touch how Xena used Lucifer's vanity against him by letting him see how ugly he'd become. Just enough of a distraction to allow her to whup him upside the head!

Is it my imagination, or are Virgil and Gabrielle "exchanging looks" at the end? Could a little romance have been sparked here? A little sample taste that will lead to a fulfilling meal later on? We'll see. But I might throw out that idea after hearing Xena tell Gabrielle that, "every time I felt myself start to lose control, I just thought of you. It led me back home." Stop before I start crying! These two are so good for each other, there's no room for anyone else; what was I thinking?

Well, I've got to say, this was one rollicking episode! I'll give it four-and-a-half chakrams. The only reasons it didn't get five were that Eve was too whiny, and some of this religious mumbo jumbo is getting to be too much. And how is the corruption of an archangel considered acceptable, tacitly accepted by Michael and Raphael? But the writing was clever, the dialog witty and intelligent, and it had sex appeal out the wazoo (wherever that is). Lucy and Renee really shone all through. Lucifer was a good villain and passable love interest for Xena, and Gabrielle and Virgil cooked together onscreen. The mix of humor and drama recalled classic Xena from around seasons two or three. Definitely the best episode of this fledgling season. I'd gush more, but you'd think Rob Tapert was paying me to write this! Can't wait for next week in which the trailer indicates Gabrielle will assume a bigger role. Battle the f*** on! Man, am I pumped after that!
Rick(Gabriologist since the late 20th Century)
Visit my web site at ricks-studio.com for Episode Reviews,
Humorous Quotes, and other Xena-themed writing!

"I must be in Hell." --Lucifer
"What makes you say that?" --Xena, shouting down into the portal
"They've cancelled 'Xena: Warrior Princess'." --Lucifer