Woohoo! New Xena! Yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-cough-cough! We at the Gabriological Institute rejoice! As it was last year, I'm one of the last ones to see each week's show, so here's my review struggling in behind all the others. For any of you unfamiliar with my reviews, I post them to the list each week, but I maintain an archive of all my reviews (and a few other Xena things) on my web site (address below). I hope you enjoy my next twenty two reviews, and my enthusiasm for the coming season is tempered only by my knowledge of it being the final one. Let's hope for a good season that fires up TPTB to renew for at least one more year. It's only a TV show, but I can't imagine not having Xena in my life. Good thing I got up for the 3:05 am broadcast, because it started five minutes early. If I'd relied on the VCR, I'd have missed the intro! Then there were a couple of transmission glitches during the show, so after that shaky start to the season, here's "Coming Home":

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Personally, I'm getting tired of the Amazons, so I wasn't too thrilled to see them show up even before the opening credits. I think the producers just love having a lot of half-clad young women around the set for a week now and again! Are these supposed to be Greek Amazons, since Xena's in Greece now? Then why do they dress like the Northern Amazons? The Greek Amazons wore a lot of feathers and animal masks and traveled by tree top. And, as some people mentioned in other e-mails, they seemed a bit more intelligent. Well, it's a new season, so I thought I'd give them a chance.

Then we get our first glimpse of Xena, Gabrielle, and Eve. Lookin' damn fine, all three! Looks like Renee's letting the hair grow down just a tad bit more, and it looks great. I'm more and more thinking of that as the Gabrielle "look." The long hair seems a world away now. And they are discussing meeting up with Ares! Amazons or not, an Ares episode is always worth the cost of admission.

I liked Varia, the beautiful Amazon second-in-command. She reminded me a bit of Amarice, only with more self confidence. She certainly had more go-get-'em attitude than most of the Amazons have shown lately. The fight with Ares' army was well-done but nothing spectacular for this show. But the interesting part was how Eve now seems a lot like Gabrielle used to be: sitting back trying to keep out of the fight. You'd think Gabrielle, as someone who went through this aversion to violence, would counsel her on how you have to stick up for yourself, sometimes. You have to temper your violence with the wisdom of when not to apply it. Of course, perhaps that's Eve's problem: she doesn't trust herself to use good judgement, and maybe she's right. Xena should provide a good role model for her.

Overall, I liked the new opening credits sequence. After all the times Tapert has said he'd never change the opening (since it was "perfect" as it was), I'm amazed they'd finally recut it in the final season. I thought the emphasis on the better quality special effects of the later episodes gives it a bit more of a contemporary feel. I missed seeing the clip of Neptune rising up (but considering his recent demise, I guess it's not too surprising), and I thought adding a clip of Gabrielle and/or Xena doing the mehndi-pattern-light-show-thing would have been really eye-catching. The pictures of Lucy and Renee they show during their credits are really beautiful. And Renee finally gets to be "Starring," not just "Also Starring." If there was ever any doubt about this being a 50-50 show....

After a season in which most of the episodes were either funny or dramatic, but never both, this had a good blend. We have the drama of another Amazon tribe on the verge of extinction, the possible deaths of the Furies and Ares, and Xena possibly dying yet again (just how many times can they resort to the almost-dead schtick?). We also have the comedy of seeing Ares pretend to be an immortal in front of an army he has tricked into fighting for their invincible god! The whole subplot of Ares adjusting to his humanity was well done and well acted by Kevin ("I don't do mortal at all well."). Injuring his hand while hitting his lieutenant was subtly hilarious. He lost his godhood before, but his reaction here was different. Before, he was just a poor beggar, but now he's trying to maintain his image. Watching Ares develop over the season should be interesting.

And the fly scene was brilliant. The ex-God of War can't even kill a fly, so Xena ends up having to do it for him! That must drive him even more crazy. Maybe the Furies didn't have far to go to push him over the edge, eh?

The Amazons have ambrosia? Does anyone remember when this show began, how it was said how difficult it is to find ambrosia? Seems like there are little deposits of it scattered around the known world. I guess they managed to save some of it during their time dealing with Velasca in "A Necessary Evil." They must be Greek Amazons.

Seeing the Furies take the form of the three girls was great. Xena and Gabrielle both look so funny flirting with Ares, sitting in his lap, swaying their hips, and expressing interest in his conquests. His skepticism and their denials (Xena: "This greater good thing gets old, right?" and Gabrielle: "You and Xena showed me that warriors rule the world--not philosophers") were just perfect for the characters given the circumstances. Memorable moments from just this one scene include Xena knocking Ares upside the head for doing the right thing, the mischievous look that crosses Gabrielle's face as she turns evil, and Ares wrapping his arms around his two women ("I could get used to this. I could!"). Of course we don't know these are the Furies yet, so the big mystery is just what is Xena up to? A great red herring.

Then, as befits a well-written episode, the hilarity builds even further. Later, Eve shows up in Ares' tent, and she also plays the seductress. I think she looks a lot prettier now that she's let her hair down and isn't wearing that sorority top-knot thing. Obviously the improvement isn't lost on Ares either, as he takes the bait ("This just gets better and better!"). And Eve's reason for leaving her "new path:" "I got over it. Those Amazons really rubbed me the wrong way." Her deadpan delivery is right on. Surely this is the setup for a classic Xena episode!

More laughs ensue as the Furies are revealed (via a cool computer morph scene), and Ares madness becomes a source of consternation to his men. Why, indeed, does an immortal god need armor? And when the real Xena and Gabrielle confront him, his babblings seem even madder: "Honey, sweetie, I love you, but you are suffocating me!" I couldn't keep the grin off my face by this time.

Hmm, haven't seen the old chakram-causes-avalanche-blocking-the-pass trick in awhile. The effects have gotten much better, as we see the carnage from a distance shot and a good view from below.

Eve, of course, makes a big mistake showing off her combat moves in front of Varia. I guess this is a sign of her youth. Up until now, she's been showing off in front of people as Rome's champion. It must go against her nature to hold back all the time. At least she asked Varia if she would harm anyone, and Varia says, "For defense only." But the mistake was believing a warrior would limit herself like that. If put in a corner, Varia would naturally use Eve's moves, even if she were truthful now (which she may not be). Surely Eve understands that with her blood-stained past. Again, she's playing the old role of Gabrielle, the student to Xena's teacher. I've kind of missed that in the show. But now we have it, but without regressing Gabrielle into her former helpless self.

It was kind of awkward when Xena's talk with Eve about her brutal past turned into Xena apologizing to Gabrielle for chakramming her head last season. As a fan, I like that they brought it up, but it didn't seem to go with this episode (aside from the Furies being involved in both). Gabrielle, of course, has forgiven Xena again, but it made me think about the line of Najara's about how it was Xena's job to hurt Gabrielle. Amazing how that is still happening at this point in the series.

So, is Ares really crazy? Given that he's riding around without armor on in front of a bunch of Amazon archers, any one of whom could kill him at such close range, I'd say, "Yeah!" And why didn't they shoot when they saw him bleeding a bit later on?

Fortunately for him, Xena comes in before any of the Amazons think to test his immortality. So, a lot of you want Xena and Ares to be all huggy-kissy? How about the two squaring off in a battle to the death? Oh, yeah, baby! By now, Xena's had enough crap and is ready to just get on with it. It's interesting how the God of War often instigates wars and other unpleasantries, yet he rarely picks up a weapon himself. This lack of hands-on experience shows as he tries to fight off Xena. She obviously is holding back on him, knowing his mortality. He had difficulty battling her as a god, and now he's just some guy trying to fight the warrior princess herself.

Like some people, I was surprised the Amazons didn't have at least a wounded tribe member watching Eve, but I guess there wasn't any more time for Gabrielle to get over hurdles while rescuing Eve. A minor point.

Another brilliant move was having Xena throw away her chakram early in her final battle with Ares, after he chases her to the ice pond. I was surprised it didn't return to her, but I figured she was just a bit rattled over having to kill Ares (considering her "feelings" for him and all). Of course, Xena had more on her mind than that. Think "Been There, Done That."

Ares gets off a good line during the fight: "You're mean. I'd like to open you up and show people the mean inside you."

I was amazed that Xena lets Ares beat her up so badly. I thought Brutus beat up Gabrielle pretty badly last year in "Antony and Cleopatra," but Xena's face gets really battered and bruised, looking more like a loser from a boxing match, with blood drooling all about. I cringed with every blow! But her plan was to make Ares think he killed her, and she certainly gave all to the role! You'd still think she'd be strong enough to punch her way out of the ice on the pond after he knocks her under the water!

Then the chakram returns! Brilliant! How she knew exactly where the Furies would be standing is beyond me, but that's Xena for you! Obviously Eve is still alive and well, because Xena takes the Furies out of the picture for good. Her anti-god powers are still charged up. Now, where did that chakram land again?

Suddenly, in an ending that is just a bit too neatly wrapped up for my tastes, Gabrielle and Eve show up to save the day. Aren't they cold in that snowy environment? I guess Gabrielle didn't have time to find Argo and retrieve her long coat! And what's this with Xena and Gabrielle touching lips during the resuscitation scene? Do I read subtext? Nah, not this time! But then Xena reaches up just in time to grab her chakram as it flies past one more time. I love the chakram trick!

The final epilogue was cute, with Ares admitting "mortality stinks" as he examines his wounds. With Ares godhood now finally out of the way, he and Xena finally approach as something like friends, or at least two people who share a long, adventurous past. They finally kiss, in a non-exploitative way for a change, but it seems more like a handshake, or a simple experiment just to see what it would be like. No passion exchanged, but perhaps a prelude to a better, healthier relationship? Fortunately, Xena's head still rules, and she repeats her mantra that he's just bad for her. Ares, always one to ignore anything he doesn't like, takes Xena's odds of a get together as being one-in-a-billion as a sign there is at least one chance for him. And Xena, surprisingly, finds this amusing. Ah, the ex-God of War, what will become of him?

And they save the best line for last. As Ares tries and fails to leave via dematerialization, making a groan no less, he says, "I've gotta stop trying that. I'm going to rupture something." What a great ending. I was about to rupture something from laughing so hard!

Well, overall I'd say I liked this episode quite a bit, giving it a four chakram out of five rating. It was certainly better than last season's opening episode. This one was written by Missy Good, the Xena fan-fic writer who they hired. Her knowledge of the series really helped put in the nice details, like the Amazons having ambrosia (I'd forgotten about that!) and the Gabrielle head-wound incident. It seemed like she addressed a lot of familiar Xena themes (Xena nearly dies, amazing chakram throws, Amazons) and put in some juicy bits the fan-fic writers would like (Gabrielle's kiss-like resuscitation of Xena, the Ares-Xena kiss). The cast all seemed to relish playing their various "crazy" personalities. Even the Amazons put on a pretty good show. I noticed a couple of posts that seemed to question some of the logic of the episode, but on second viewing, it all seemed to make sense to me, as well as being highly entertaining.

I'm not sure about the title of the show, though. Who was "Coming Home?" Does that refer to Gabrielle coming back to her Amazon tribe? If so, I don't think that captures what the episode was about. How about calling it "Man of War" or something. Ares was the focal point of this one, and he was far, far from "home."
Rick(Gabriologist since the late 20th Century)
Visit my web site at ricks-studio.com for Episode Reviews,
Humorous Quotes, and other Xena-themed writing!

"Xena, how about showing me some of your battle tricks?" --Varia
"Well, if I wanted to kill you, I'd grab my chakram, and I'd--" --Xena, grabbing her chakram
"OK, OK--never mind!" -Varia, eyes wide with fear